So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize