I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
