Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dignity is for republicans.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
