Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize