Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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