i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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