Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
