My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
