By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
