i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
