Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
