you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
