I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
