nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
