Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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