I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
