you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
