just tell him i said nine months
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
