I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize