dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When did angry sex become our thing?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
