Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
