yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
