Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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