i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
