i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
