Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize