Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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