so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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