God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
