You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
