I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
