After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
