At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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