3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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