I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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