the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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