it was like eating out sand paper
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
then he tried to convert me to islam
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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