dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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