At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize