We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize