I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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