I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is Oprah even human
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
