i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
