sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
