Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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