Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
