That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
