I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
