He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
