I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
