I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize