Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
