Jerry, you need to find god
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
