i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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