his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
