Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
