whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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