she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
