too bad you live with your parents still
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
