Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
