Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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