Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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