i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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