Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
