A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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