Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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