batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
