I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're a waste of cheezeits
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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