Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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