I bet he comes in French.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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