i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
