I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
